Tag: writing

Oh My Goals: September

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I really should start writing these posts in advance, but darn it, my week has been busy. Plus, it’s Labor Day weekend. I deserve a break, right? At least that’s how I’ve rationalized yet another late post. Okay, here goes….

This is the second month of my Oh My Goals series. If you remember, I’m terrible at sticking to goals, so I’ve committed to posting them online for everyone to read in hopes that I’ll feel a sense of accountability.

So let’s review August’s goals:

  • Stay on budget—It was a little hard to stick with this one realistically, because, due to a system switch-over, I was delayed in starting work. I did start my budget binder, though, and started to log some things in it, so that’s progress.
  • I designed a beautiful dorm room. Seriously. Go look at it. It’ll almost make you wish you were me.
  • Call my parents frequently—I did keep up with this one, and I’ve actually seen them a few times since I started back in school. A bonus was getting to see my dogs, even if it was for less than 24 hours.
  • Update my planner weekly—This one has sort of morphed into an “update it when I find out about new things” type of deal. I filled in everything that my syllabi had to offer, but when it comes to work hours, appointments, and other personal things, I write them in when I learn of them.
  • Maintain a steady flow of blog posts—Welp. Look how far that one got. But seriously, I do have my blog posts for the next several weeks planned out. I’d show you a picture, but I only do spoiler alerts for TV shows, movies, and the ends of books.
  • Prioritize self-care—I did buy the $4 cup of Starbucks coffee (or several. It’s become my morning motivation on weekends). And I did binge-watch Grey’s Anatomy (I’m now a few episodes into season 10–and I started August at the beginning of season 9). I didn’t get a manicure, but I’m not entirely sure I want to spend the money on that. See: my budgeting issue.
  • Get a gym membership—This one is actually out of my hands, because there’s been a delay in the gym membership process at school. I’ll be able to sign up soon hopefully!
  • Just be present—I’ve gotten slightly better at this, but definitely not as good as I want to be. This is a repeat goal for the month of September.

That brings us to September.

  • Build a budget—Now that I can guesstimate what my paychecks will look like, I can actually build a budget. Any extra money will be saved, and portions of my paycheck will be, as well. However, I’m relying on my paycheck money and gift money as my personal expenses/extracurricular funds. That’s what will be budgeted for. Here’s to hoping I don’t spend $300 on a purse like I did last year (even though it was totally worth it).
  • Put myself first—I put myself first financially all the time, but emotionally? Eh, I’ve got a lot to work on in that area. I’m looking for ways to do that, ways to explore who I am and what I am all about. Any tips?
  • Eat feel-good foods—My roommate is a super chef of healthy foods, so we’ve been cooking for the past week or two. You should be jealous that I get to live with her, but if you’re lucky, I might post some recipes inspired by her cooking talents….
  • Put a dent in the book I’m going to review—Hint: look here! Enough said on that one.
  • Write at least one good story, even if it’s really, really short—My creativity has been slacking for the past year. I’m majoring in Creative Writing, for heaven’s sake; shouldn’t I be able to turn something out? (If I’m being honest, my inability to write is because of a whole other issue, but that’s a topic for another post.)

What are your goals for September?

Mosey on back next Monday to see how I set up my Erin Condren Life Planner!

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Identity Theft: What to Do When Your Identity Isn’t Yours Anymore

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identity-crisis

And I’m not talking about when some hacker in a moldy basement swipes your credit card information, assumes your name, and purchases a deluxe spa treatment aboard a cruise to the Bahamas. I’m talking about a different kind of stomach-drops-to-your-knees moment: when what you’ve identified as for so long, what once made your heart tingle with the thrill of passion, abandons you.

When I was a child, I didn’t want to be a writer; instead, I wanted to be a teacher. So it comes as no surprise that my identity as a writer didn’t form until sixth or seventh grade. For whatever reason, I read about Stephenie Meyer, author of Twilight (mortifying, I know), and her quite literally dream-inspired, best-selling series. Some small part of what I read must have spoken to an untapped part of me, because my first major foray into writing began shortly thereafter with a 50-page story. What’s important about this singular experience is not that it is still unfinished to this day, but that creativity moved me so deeply that I actually wrote that much, or even wrote at all.

I was known throughout high school as The Girl Who Can Write. I was Editor in Chief of both my yearbook and school paper; I scored well above average on the writing portion of the SAT; I was the point person to look over essays and suggest edits. I was The Girl Who Can Write.

Until I wasn’t.

If you’ve read about my freshman year experience, you know that the first year of college swiped away the one thing about myself that mattered to me: my writing. What I identified as for so long was stripped away with my confidence in my ability. I didn’t know what to do, and I won’t pretend that I knew what to do when it was happening.

But I do know now that probably the only thing to do, the only thing I could do, is to keep moving forward. Keep going in whatever way you can. Keep going, even if that means finally disconnecting from what once served you and no longer does. By no means am I saying that this is a simple process, and by no means will I accept anyone’s criticism that this is the easy way out. Maybe it’s childish denial, or maybe it’s fear, but I refuse to believe that I’m just copping out of doing something I felt so passionate about for years.

Despite my identity just disappearing, writing is still my thing. I fall in love with words every day: how they’re basic multi- or monosyllabic sounds that, when strung together to form a cohesive thought, can incite a love story or a war. I am not abandoning writing, and because I believe it’s not fair to say that it’s abandoned me entirely, I’m not giving up on it. Rather, I’m giving up on feeling the self-inflicted pressure to commit to writing simply because it’s something I used to be good at and something I thought would be my lifelong career.

Because sometimes what’s best for you is moving on from what used to be best for you, and sometimes what’s best for you is maintaining the love but letting yourself just be in your moments of doubt and fear. It’s in this space that you’ll find yourself and a brand new (or refurbished) passion.

Tell me in the comments below if you’ve ever felt like this. How did you “keep going?”

I apologize for all the confusion around this week’s post. I made a mistake in the scheduling and it all spiraled from there.

Join me next week for a post about my photo shoot with J. Rosa Photography!